someday soon

i took a pregnancy test today. there's something about taking a pregnancy test that makes you realize how badly you either want or realllyy don't want a baby.

on the way to the store to buy the test i kept thinking "we'd have a baby in november. milo would be a big brother in november" and my brain just automatically started thinking about how we would handle it and what we would do and adjustments we would make and just the logistics of it all.

the test was negative, which i honestly expected it to be. i felt kind of bummed. i haven't really kept it a secret at all that i am totally gunning for baby number two. and while this wasn't the timing we had in mind, i certainly wouldn't have been upset about it.

but anyway, no baby. not quite yet. i think we're waiting to "officially start trying" in may. which is so soon.

i'm not sure where this is going.

but pregnancy tests are weird in that in the 2 minutes it takes for the results to show up, you've imagined your entire world with a new little person and then when it's negative you can't help but feel a little sad that that new world won't be happening just yet.

soon, though. someday soon.