slippage

i can feel myself starting to slip from the motivation i had for the first couple months of the year. i feel exhausted and unmotivated and i'm losing the passion that i had. school is seeming impossible, the house is perpetually scary, and the thought of even tackling the things i need to do gives me crazy anxiety.

i don't know if it's a depression thing or just a 'you need to get your act together and stop letting this beat you' kind of thing.

i really struggle with finding a balance between school and emotional/mental health. i try really hard to be nice to myself; my brain, my body... but school makes me feel inadequate sometimes and mostly just really overwhelmed and i do not handle being overwhelmed well at all. so i try to take mental health days to just like, chill and eat cheesecake and not worry about class. but sometimes doing nothing makes me feel even more overwhelmed because the obligations are just looming.

i don't know. i was in such a good place for so long and now i'm slipping and i don't want to leave that good place because it was just so good.

anyway. that's where i'm at. but hopefully i can find my way back again, you know? i always do. i just hope it happens before i fall too far.