the youest you

(pointless update:) i've made a goal to start writing in my actual paper/pen journal more often. the goal is once a week. but i also want to keep up this space too, because for me, they serve very different purposes.

i have about 3 weeks of school left and then i am done with school FOREVER. like, how did that even happen??? how did we make it? how am i still alive? it is nothing short of a miracle, honestly.

i think the most important thing that school has taught me is that i am stronger than i think i am. i can do more than i think. i am smarter than i think, too. i am so much more than i ever thought i would be, and that is a really cool thing. even though i'm not great at school, or great at keeping the house clean and the laundry washed and the dishes clean... these things don't define or take away my greatness and my endless potential.

i've also learned in the last year or so that i really don't depend on anyone. i don't need my parents. i don't even technically need andrew, although life would be really really stupid without him and also i'd have to get a job, which would suck. BUT just because i rely on him doesn't mean that i need him. and for me, that is an important distinction. my success and my happiness does not depend on anyone else. before i got married my biggest fear was that something would happen to andrew and i'd be a young widow. this is still a very legitimate fear of mine, but it isn't because i can't live without him. i know that i can. i am capable and i am smart and i don't give up easily. i just don't want to live without him.

this is super rambly. but basically school hasn't taught me much about academia. i still don't know where most countries are on a map and i'm bad at math and i don't really care about politics or philosophy or basically any of the classes i've taken. BUT i have learned so much about being a human, communicating with other humans, and realizing my full potential as a human.

i have no idea where i will end up or what i will do after this chapter of my life is over, but now i know that i can do it, whatever it may be. and that's a pretty cool thing.